I Asked 5 Mums What Makes a Strong Marriage After Having Children, and Here's What They Said
I'm sure most of you will agree when I say that once you have children, marriage almost always takes a backseat. After all, your baby comes first, and keeping them safe and happy matters more than anything else. The love and affection you have for your children can be so extensive and overwhelming, that it sometimes feels like there is no space to love anyone else as much.
While this might not seem like much of an issue at first, this can ultimately create a huge strain on a relationship in the long term. Marriage is a commitment that requires constant nurturing and care, and adding children to the mix can bring a whole new set of challenges, putting even the strongest marriages to the test. However, with the right mindset and approach, having children can also strengthen a marriage and create a deeper bond between partners.
With that in mind, I asked 5 mums what their top tips and pieces of advice were to maintain a strong marriage after having children, and here's what they said:
1. If you thought communication was essential when you first got married, it's even more important after having children.
"Everyone always used to tell me that communication keeps a marriage strong and healthy, but I never fully understood why it was so important until I had children- with the added responsibilities of parenthood, it's so easy to quickly become overwhelmed and stressed, which can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and so many different emotions. We try to communicate our feelings openly and honestly with each other without any judgment or resentment. Something which really helps is to actively take time to listen (not just hear) and validate each other's emotions, even when you don't fully understand them."
2. Teamwork makes the dream work!
"Both of us try to be as equally involved and invested in the parenthood process as possible. This means sharing the workload and taking on responsibilities together where needed. Supporting each other through the challenges of parenting and celebrating the successes makes us feel more like a unit, and reminds me that we're in this together. Otherwise, when one spouse doesn't understand or relate to the other or if the workload is heavily imbalanced, it can create a lot of conflict and resentment."
3. Remember how it all started...
"It's so important to remember that before you had children, you were a couple, and you still are. When your children grow old, make their own families and become independent, this is the person you will spend the rest of your life with, travel with, and cherish lifelong memories. Make sure you prioritise the relationship and keep the connection alive. Also, remember that intimacy is not just from a physical or sexual perspective- it can come in different forms, such as as expressing gratitude, hugging, and holding hands, which can all help keep the spark alive in a marriage."
4. Acknowledge and respect each other's needs
"The way in which I wind down after a long day with the kids is not the same way my husband likes to, and it's essential to recognise that and not take it personally. While one spouse may need more alone time to recharge, the other may crave a night away and more social interaction. Acknowledge and respect any differences you might have, and also learn about your love languages- this really helps to express love in the right way to your other half in a way that he will appreciate!"
5. Have a flexible mindset
" No matter how organised we are, or how hard we try to stick with a predictable routine, life with children is the biggest rollercoaster and things rarely go to plan. Sometimes when this happens, it's easy to feel like you need someone to blame (which mostly ends up being your other half!). It's so important to always have a flexible and adaptable mindset, to be open to change and able to shift priorities when needed. By approaching everything in this way, it helps us to feel like we're on the journey together."
I hope you liked these tips, they certainly were useful reminders for me! A key thing that I've learnt through my marriage and motherhood journey is to remember that having a strong, happy and healthy marriage will never be an end point or a destination- it's a moving target. As you both grow and mature, your definition of 'happy' and 'strong' will also change, so it's really important to constantly be on the journey to improve your marriage and to strive to find what makes your other half feel loved, respected, and supported.
What are your top tips for keeping your relationship strong after having children? Please share them in the comments below!
